Still pregnant. Still terrified.

So after 7 hcg blood draws, 3 estradiol and progesterone checks, and two shipments of my blood to Dr. Kwak-Kim’s lab to check immune markers, it appears that this pregnancy is continuing as it should. My arms, however, look like they belong to a heroin addict. And since I’m already getting called out by people for looking “exhausted” (thank you for telling me!), I can’t imagine the unvoiced thoughts going on in people’s heads.

I, of course, don’t give a crap what they think, because I’m just ecstatic about the fact that this is the farthest we have ever gotten. But I still can’t help thinking that this pregnancy is going to just stop at any minute.

I question everything I do, wondering if that’s the thing that’s going to cause all this to end. Did I wait way too long to eat lunch yesterday? Did I take my morning pills a half hour too late? Was my morning walk too long? Too fast? Too jumpy? Did that hour stuck in traffic cause my cortisol to rise to dangerous levels? Is last night’s frozen yogurt freaking out my immune system. Should I not have eaten any bread? Did I just plop down on the couch too hard? I can’t help but scrutinize every little thing, thinking it’s the thing that’s going to send my current world crashing down around me.

Adding to all this pressure are the strict orders coming from the Dragon Lady. As soon as I notified her that I was pregnant, she had her receptionist email me a list of instructions of what not to do. No baths or hot tubs, no lifting 5 pounds or more, no heels, no vacuuming, no running or aerobics, no exposure to detergents or cleaning products, and no sex for 14 weeks. That last one is a big one. So big in fact, that she asked her receptionist to email me a second time just to reiterate: No sex!

I do feel pretty great about the fact that I have a legitimate excuse to not vacuum or clean the house for the next several months. Unfortunately, she said nothing about whether or not I should avoid doing dishes.

When I went for my first appointment with the Dragon Lady after the big news, she personally pummeled me with more orders.

DL: No mushroom. Mushroom cause inflammation

Me: Really? Wow, okay. (immediately started counting the number of times I’d had mushrooms in the last week)


DL: You no have sex! Sex make uterus contract. You tell him. No sex!

Me: You got it. I will let HIM know.


DL: I so worry you trip and fall. No trip and fall!

Me: I can’t remember the last time I tripped and fell. I’ll be fine

DL: (pointing to my flip flops laying in the corner) You wear flip flop, you fall all over. I worry.


And, of course, she wouldn’t be the Dragon Lady if she didn’t leave me with one final zinger.

DL: 309 high first beta. You stomach big. Embryo split, two babies in there.


Oh, Dragon Lady, here we go again.

7 thoughts on “Still pregnant. Still terrified.

  1. OMG that is such a great dialogue. So funny as my doctor only said to make sure to keep taking my progesterone shots regularly, otherwise nothing at all, and my acupuncturist who I see every week just gave me advice for the high-protein small meals to keep my nausea down.

    I am the same thinking about what I’m doing. It’s a funny thing on the hot showers/baths thing, as my massage therapist stopped using the hot stones now that I’m pregnant, but here I am wondering, well, I’m using a heating pad on my arse every morning before my husband gives me the progesterone shots…does that mean I’m endangering it? What about the heated seats in my car? Then I say whatever and move on. My acupuncturist said that my gardening was harder on me with my sensitive back so I should be careful when weeding, but I’m like hell no, it’s the only thing that keeps me from turning into an ogre! (obviously I’m careful, but my garden will NOT go to shit this summer, I’ve got too many bell peppers depending on me!)

    BTW on the sex thing, it’s actually only if you have an orgasm that the uterus can be affected, otherwise it’s just a bumpy ride, so just tell your partner not to be too good hahahaha 🙂


  2. Wow that’s a lot of rules! My clinic does have a no sex rule for IVF pregnancies until the entire first trimester is past which is long. But other clinics have say things like not until the heartbeat or it’s fine unless you have any spotting. Try not to worry too much about stuff like going for walks or eating your frozen yogurt, I’m sure baby is snug and happy in there! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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